All I Know Is That My Neurosurgeon Can’t Allow Me to...

( “Preventive medicine” IS primary medicine)

Here is a video I posted not that long ago, as well as a longer, uncut version of some thoughts to go with.

Yes, I wish I could write a thesis on what it’s about to do to my life that my insurance just had their ability to allow telehealths fully slashed.

(I don’t know if this applies to others or how much, but all I know is that my neurosurgeon team genuinely can’t allow me to do telehealths any more, even for simple visits and conversations.)

I cannot emphasize enough what it’s about to do to both my working a “9 to 5”
(which the world wants, no?) whilst staying even slightly functional (pretending to be), as well as the extra toll on my spine taking the day off to drive all day to my specialists.

(Let alone what it’ll do to loved-ones of those who need someone to take off work and drive them - even though we can’t afford that in our life, which is why I put the mileage on my body, and take the misery that comes from driving to/from procedures I shouldn’t).

I’m actually horrified to learn this a couple of weeks ago at what was apparently my last telehealth ever with that frequented and critical office (and minutes before work, no less) ….

But right now? Back to the grind.

(Ironic?)

Telehealth is life changing for those whose lives are changed forever by progressive and long term illness.

I have to attend a critical specialist appointment at least once per week.

These are not appointments I want to attend, to be blunt. They’re appointments I “have to” attend, even though I reschedule and push off likely 75% of all appointments a couple of times per appointment- because maintaining this schedule IS a full time job and I have a “full time” job.

In the past, I’ve suffered greatly for this postponing habit of mine. I had 3 surgeries just in the last 6 months. 9 -or something akin- in the year prior. And last winter I was so gravely ill from a long stretch of personally placing personal and professional over physical that I stared down The Brink. Myself and the couple Loves closest to me had all forgotten I could even get that sick.

Suffice to say: “preventive medicine” IS primary medicine… but it just so happens that my primary medicine almost always feels like pivotal medicine, all year long.

I have many doctor appointments I have to do in person, whether I want to or not. Using the next two weeks alone as example: I have a fairly invasive multi vertebrae injection procedure so that I can continue driving myself to work at all… a month’s overdue medication approval that should give me more function of my hands back… and more. Peeing in cups, giving my blood.

But: I also have equal amount of visits that we’re scheduled as telehealth so that I could have them at all this month.

They were critical appointments without a single doubt. These aren’t a massage, or an annual, or something urgent care could do. These are appointments that keep me functioning just barely enough that I can continue to be deemed worthwhile by society’s contrast. I can only keep my “9 to 5” working in education right now if I can stay “well” enough to be there.

(Gentle reminder: We need teachers so badly right now that I pivoted from one community-serving field to this community-serving field for the time being because …. We need teachers so badly right now.)

(This means = “YOU WANT ME, SOCIETY. Remember that? Hey! Uncle Sam!… YOU want ME?”)

I don’t agree with worth only being deemed by paycheck and not by attribution, pursuit, giving back, being in the red tent raising entire humans, and the like, but … that’s not a helpful point at this time.

What IS my point?

Despite having critical, progressive, intrusive malady that is part of a genetic lottery I did not choose any more than your pore size or hairline or eye color, I have not missed a single day of work at any of my in-person positions since December.

And now?

Now, in order to have routine (but still life sustaining) appointments that allow me to still have life sustaining medications, for example, I will have to take off an entire day of work to make the trip to my specialists… every single time.

Appointments can be about maintaining a level of health, and still be critical and non negotiable.

This is going to drastically take dignity and ability away from a great many who have medical, fiscal or mobility related hinderances making attending doctors difficult. (Or, for many of us, all of the above).

This is going to hurt my health …

Or it’s going to hurt my work.

There is no other way to say it*.

Either/or will be hurt in some capacity… and it’s likely going to be a mix of both.

* And that’s even worse for those who have it worse.

xo

PS: Kindly consider booming a supportive Word Nerd if you’re able (every little bit counts and helps keep this ongoing memoir going, or… Share with you someone you like?