I Had a Leak In My Spine

Stop telling people how to feel.

We all feel things differently… and that’s how I feel about that.

I had a leak in my spine leading to what many describe as "the worst headache on earth"... and looking back, it feels rather casual. It was not my worst of my worst. It was awful, yeah... but then it was medically fixed with a blood patch and onto the next thing.

I had a disc issue in my still-arthritic-and-degenerative spine (before it happened again and then again and then again), pinching a nerve stemming down through my hip... and it made me question my worth in life. Once it cut off the nerve so badly that I went numb, lifeless in places… my personality came back. I wanted to live again. Which is tragic inside of itself. I needed to lose more of myself and feel less in order to be more.

Spine pain, for me, was the worst kind of pain... but it might not be for someone else.

As I write this (wrote this?), another organ was acting up in the worst way inside, and former “worst ways” were coming to a head, but I still feel like this feeling isn't as bad as my spine feeling, so I feel weird complaining at all. I compare and compare and compare, even with myself.