I See Friends Who Commit Their Lives to Staying Alive

Un-retouched, no makeup, because that’s what models are told to do, yo

Here is something I wish everyone else in the the world would listen to and commit to memory as fact:

“You cannot have health without wealth.”

You can have health, and you can have wealth… but not being able to pay for the supplies and resources and lifestyle costs of being sick has an irrefutable impact on a sick person.

“You cannot be sick full time and also have a career or passions as a sick person. One will suffer.”

Doctors and teams label you noncompliant if you can’t drop responsibilities for appointments, but jobs and schools and organizations will not tolerate inconsistent attendance, focus, or energy past a certain point. They just won’t. They just don’t. Both teams penalize the party just trying to survive in the middle.

I could write a book on why we also can’t have it all as a woman (motherhood versus career: one will falter) or how Deaf people will never be seen as equal and on and on… but those are words for another day. For now, I can say that I did put my passions before my health for years and didn’t have family I could safely lean on because of distance, scheduling and my own pride at letting others in… and I SHOULD say “I regret it” since I got irrefutably worse over time but I can’t and I won’t.

I have no patience for being a patient. I see friends who commit their lives to staying alive and I wonder why I can’t so fully do the same. Is it having a support system to fake you places with whom you’re not too worried to over tax? Is it having a higher tax bracket in the sense there’s a small safety net; a world where time off or rushing to hospitals or more doesn’t hurt your bottom dollar? Is it not living, at times, ON a bottom dollar… because a 4 person household on 1 income is just not enough in certain areas and certain economic times?

I see the friends who commit to it so fully- they educate and optimize and remain somewhat optimistic - and I know it doesn’t come easy to anyone. I know that perspective is WORK. Joe Versus The Volcano on the way to the factory.

In my story, though… I’m mostly just the volcano.

Fighting an illness takes privilege. It takes a literal f*cking village. It takes the confidence of a working actor - sharing your most vulnerable parts only to face rejection of 49 times for every 50 attempts at vying for the part… but if you aren’t vulnerable, you’ll never get the part in the first place. We share our pain on a platter- describe it in detail.

“You cannot have health without wealth” IS true…

But you cannot be a patient without patience.

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