I Sneeze. I Shave My Leg. I Sit Weird.
I was supposed to use a cane for 1 month and I did… and then ended up losing movement in my foot and having an emergency surgery.
My entire physical therapy plan went out the window (because I always have my own physical therapy plan).
I used to be a Certified Personal Trainer in my former life and sometimes the deep nerdy dive into rehabilitation directives is the dishiest treat there is or can be for me… but a world completely free from Frida’d canes is likely not a freedom I’ll ever know with utter certainty.
Limping is not something new for me.
It’s not just the last fusion surgery or the one before that or this current one. I’ve had to deal with left side physical disassociations the few times my foot went numb- needing disc surgery to fix it and get pressure off the nerve - and, often, when I herniate my lower back (which I continue to do no matter how we changed choreography or I avoid certain things).
I sneeze. I shave my leg. I sit weird. And suddenly: it’s out… and I can’t trust one side of my body. This is not something to bemoan. Friends who have MS, CP, lupus, more: they deal with mobility changes from day to day like a proper Kahlo, and I’m over here like: “Boohoo, I hate my cane.”
So as I report the outfitted evidence and effervescent enthusiasms for whatever I’m wearing (sort of shame free), I hope I can reach a point as a person where some shots have assistance and some snaps do not, but the need for disclaimer falls by the wayside.
I can’t keep using my partner or my daughter when my bone-Jenga no longer holds; clinging to them to walk around a Target purely because I sat weird in the car. It’s that simple and that unforeseeable. I can start a day “fine”- thinking I’ll be okay to hike a hill- and end the day unable to go a few feet without taking some of my weight off of my feet and onto whatever family member is okay pretending to be an assistive device.
I should be able to have whatever support I need at my side when or if I need it by my side, and it doesn’t make me any less of an athlete, or a mother, or a “hard worker”.
It just makes me a person who sometimes needs things…
And sometimes doesn’t.
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It sounds as though you are focusing more on being a hindrance than an asset kid. I'm sure your family is happy to act as mobility devices whenever you need, I know I'd be more than willing. That's called love. Personally it would bring me great joy to be able to help, I'm sure your family feels the same. Don't rain on their parade, dear friend, some of us find purpose and fulfillment helping others, particularly those we adore! 🥰
I hear you! It can be so frustrating hey. I can walk and I have my wheelchair and so often I think, “Taking the wheelchair is a pain, I’m fine right?” I don’t want to need anything for 5 minutes even though I may need it…. Except five minutes is enough to cause extreme pain that takes days to recover from, tank my blood glucose levels and/or make me pass out…. Then I am meant to have a power component for my chair…. But I’m too weak to use it…. So it means having to have someone push me and arghhh. No! I want some independence. I don’t want to bother people. I’m fine right? Bailey, one thing though, don’t compare yourself to those of us with mobility issues that shift day to day or more, you do too! You even said so! You work hard and right now things are more hard than normal and it can be depressing for you when you start to think things are okay and then all of a sudden there is a reminder that they’re not. You are valid and your pain and distress is just as valid as any other persons and personally I think just as significant!!!