Let's Sh*T On Instagram While On Substack

Give me a button that gives things in chronological order…

“I interrupt regular programming, because…

I feel like my writing can generally feel borderline like a Psych class on “Death and Dying 101” through the eyes of Plath and Poe (though far less talented and “I can dream”), except I was wondering:

Does anyone find that- even if they want to be That Person who cares about things like algorithms, or if anyone sees anything they share- two things happen instead?

One: They find there will be almost a complete ‘cap’ on who they reach, unless something goes viral, because they’re refusing to play the game?

(And by the way, it feels like the Internet is the only place where viral-ity is actually not considered a negative thing. Viruses are not good for CF people, but viruses are normally not good for computers either).

It becomes as if we ‘want’ to go viral, except that doesn’t lead to actual meaningful connections or relationships… but I do feel like there’s sometimes a cap and seal on what we can do or be?

Almost as if you’ll find you have some sort of growth with your writing… and it will seem like it’s becoming something meaningful, and becoming something with people that feel like new friends… And then, there will be a drop in numbers?

And two:

Before you judge…I’m not someone who looks at numbers, normally (“she says a bit too defensively”). Are you that, as well?

Honestly, the lack of numerally gifted guise is probably why I’m not very good at ‘this’.

I refuse to look at people as numbers, because I don’t want to be a marketing or sales rep, and plus… my anxiety is such that if I looked at the numbers, I would just never be able to function at all.

Still, I accidentally can’t help but see the ‘number’ that they stamp over who you hope to be in paragraphs sometimes. And when it comes to that, sometimes… it’ll appear like a ‘culling’ of people for no apparent reason; A drop in ‘numbers’ (ew).

And so, I’m wondering:

Have you also experienced that sort of arbitrary drop that you wish you didn’t notice?

As long as one great friend cares about something I’m fallibly writing, I care.

But I noticed a “cull” recently when I was putting out longer form, more talkative videos (because I was answering questions recently), and I thought, “Wow. Is this the technology behind it… or the people?”

I assume (and hope) it was the technology, because I would like to think that we, as humans, can have attention spans that haven’t become so biased that we click away from anything longer than a few seconds but then… I feel myself doing the same, and witness those around me scroll, refresh, turn it off like that Macklemore song I love so much.

I proceed with something that I hope has meaning either way… but the problem is, if we proceed with things that we hope have meaning, but no one gets to see those things because it isn’t being “pushed to them”… How can it mean anything, anyways?

I know [the all mighty] ‘they’ want us to play the game (and yes, I sound like Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory), because they’re getting us to change and alter everything we do along with each trend. Because we want to go viral. Because we want people to be able to see what we’re doing. Because otherwise why are we doing it (?) Because we want connection (!)…

So if we don’t get to connect with people, then ‘we’ feel like “Why am I doing this thing?”

“Why am I on my phone when I could be outside connecting with people?”

As a Deaf person, or as a sick person- who sometimes doesn’t have that ability to easily drive or arrive places- it is a really horrible feeling to feel like you’re trying to beat a computer game, and it’s a game that you don’t wanna win, because to win would feel like I’m losing some form of last strain of integrity I pretend to feel like I have…. and I just very strongly hate that we can’t just click a button that says “I just want to get things posted in order.”

No matter whom you follow, it often feels like you can’t actually see what they’re posting, because they’re also trying to ‘play a game’ and some people are better at Pac-Man than others (clearly not I)… and so:

There should be a button where we can see things in the order that they’re being posted.

Give me a button that gives things in chronological order…

Because I don’t play this game, and if we don’t play the game, then their whole system doesn’t work, and people aren’t putting up YouTube videos that are saying “How To Beat The Algorithm”. All of that goes away for ‘them’.

Who IS them?

(Tell me?)

I actually think it would benefit the ‘Thems’ who run the fake world that runs the real world, because less people would quit because they would feel like they’re part of something meaningful.

If ‘we’ had access to the things that we actually wanted to see and read: We would feel much more engaged, because we would think: “If I post, then another person who’s like me and wants things in chronological order also is going to see it on the day it goes up, deep within the river of their feed.”

So many people quit because we know: “This is not meaningful anymore.

And I feel like a fool…

And I’m not a Plath or a Poe….

I am just a pawn.”

Thank you for this week together. I’m so grateful for you.

Giving myself tomorrow to regroup and heal up… and then I’ll see you next week!

If you survive this long rambling video and intentionally run-on riff below it…

You are a brave soul.