Surgeries Impact Who I am Outwardly a Lot

Writing about skincare and rituals sounds like a lot... but it's really just writing about health and sickness too. 

Why? One doesn't have to be different from the other really. They're healing, just the same… even do it driving home late at night (I keep a small bag of products in the car that I can wipe and swipe at stoplights or before Baby-Driving home), or in the hospital (same small bag applies) or while trying my own new strategies like “cream baking” which really deserves a better name (taking suggestions now).

I will never have the funds for elaborate things: Botox or procedures. Not even facials. I’ve never had one. So I try to trust what "experienced" women express (just as I wish we could replace the word “weight with strength”, I wish we could replace the word “age” with “experience” or… at least not weaponize any of the above).

I want products that have been tested for decades.

I need a face that moves to fit my needs: my language (ASL), my job (dance and acting). I am complicated and damaged and sometimes mean, but also strive for perspective and empathy… So, in a way, I want my beauty and health routines to reflect that? My goals as a person too?

If I hate things that are too tight around my feeding tubes, for example... Why wear them? I only wear tight things when I dance, for example. If I wear the skintight leotard, and skirt, and shorts (tights can go to hell), then I am ready for the job. “My uniform”. I can become someone else.

The second Im done? I need comfort for painful parts. I change before I even drive home; T-shirts and shorts. “Dress for the job you have to do”, sure, whatever… but also dress for you. For your body. For the textures that you like. For the colors that catch your eye.

You only live on this planet- one outfit at a time- once.

But… surgeries impact who I am outwardly a lot too.

Not just comfort and stomas, but even things like my hair. I lose the most right after big operations… and it’s never been worse than lately. (Even though it's curly and needs very little washing, you’d think it could hang on for ffffff’s sake.)

I see so many curly-hair diffusing routines and want to try them… but, with my wrist and hand issues, I basically have very little stamina for beauty.

We forget that when we show routines online. We don’t give disclaimers of mobility issues or inabilities to flip our head forward to scrunch our hair. (We forget most people when we talk about ourselves. It’s a particular skill of mine, as well.)

Satirically on topic but also being serious: I am one of those people who only does a “Wash Day” once a week, and the rest of the time cleans from the neck down.

It seems gross to write that down (?) but I don't really care because it works for my busted body, and my hair is happy for it. The less I strip my hair and skin, historically, the better things seem to feel and go.

I recently read about a woman who uses only water on her hair and skin (no shampoo) and it worked… and her hair is long and luscious.... and it calls to mind the constant question: Why do we wrinkle our noses at the wrinkles (experience) and grossness (disabled people unable to wash our hair everyday) or anything that isn’t a reflection of ourselves, when talking about reflections in the mirror?

I'm not brave enough to try just using water or other new things.

I’m barely brave enough to admit that I leave my hair alone most days of the week…

I just read about routines like ‘experienced’, brave women…

And then don't do them. 

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