"Tiny Triumvirate Squares, Synced in Sepia"

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I think the next few months will be a little depressing.

Not in real life. Not me. But here. The things I write about.

And the reason isn’t because I won’t be trying to find the Lasso (Ted; 2020) in me, always, or not sugarcoat salty things (general recipe will be equal parts cynicism and silver lining), or grateful for the potential opportunity TO recover from something… anything…

But..

In being told so many more restrictions from double operations on a compromised body this round… And THEN finding that somehow, in this one specific way, I am still eroding… I won’t be doing a lot of exciting, sparkly things, you know? I can pedal poems of pain and mini memories of love, even if I can’t photograph moments by murals someone else painted… But isn’t that all we really want? To escape through someone else? To see tiny triumvirate squares, synced in Sepia? I am an entertainer who’s currently not very entertaining.

(Yet.)

(But why did I have to say yet, even if the hope for it is true? The secret projects, the promise?)

I changed my approach not long ago to documenting feelings IN the moment and, even if they change (lifetime guarantee©️)… I’ll still post.

‘You can’t curate what your emotions are,’ I think, ‘You can only write what you hope to become so you get better as you go.’

But what if I don’t get better… Who do I become?

We seem to say: “To exist, you must have a “hook”.

I wanted to post this clip taken days before going in the hospital because I love this skirt from Bodile Ballet and wanted to “bring back” wearing Jessica Simpson style shawls with my beloved Wear Moi Dancewear sweater leggings and then thought: “That’s not your lane. You’re a ballerina, not a fashion writer any more. And you are currently recovering, not better. This will confuse people.” Time, tense, the tenseness of pretending we are squared little monochrome creations; Polaroids in tercets.

‘If you’re not My Name² … Why are you even here?’

“What’s the hook?”

But one-lane nihilism takes away from the range of who we are as REAL people in a real world outside this 5.8 by 6.2.

Post the memories.

Share the outfit you loved.

Don’t make your highway a roundabout.

It’s the start of a new week which means I’ll always start once by saying: THANK YOU to those kind enough to pay for my work at Catching Breaths.

Tomorrow is a new Deaf Girl’s Soundtrack to Life and I can’t wait!

Thank you for reclaiming words for many of us, and supporting my hope for a “website” that I wish existed in the world to show that “success” can be defined even amid sickness, and that we can be chronically jacked up and still aim to make ‘meaning’.

Share, Like, Restack in Notes, Forward to a Friend, Post on your Socials: All love is… well, more love going into the world!

(And if I can ever help YOU, let’s keep our karma paying forward and forward. So reach out?)

Now, let’s live another week together, shall we?

PS: I don’t do ads so tagged the afore mentioned links purely for those curious about the style brands mentioned therein.