Two Neurosurgery Appointments in One Week

Oh, and one 504 meeting for my mild-to-severe hard-of-hearing kid. Oh, and...

The last couple of weeks were full of busyness, boldness and the-opposite-of-braveness at times, and so… I decided to try something new I write all down.

Although I’ve posted pieces on @catchingbreaths and am still getting my “footing” back from spine surgery recently (meaning, I am treading lightly and carefully with writing here, so that I don’t set myself back in healing just yet)… But this is the unabridged, and possibly unhinged, archived version.

I’d love to know if any of these tasks are something you also dealt with or can relate to, to see how small the world can really be in the best way.

Let’s count the good and the bad?

It’s all living. It’s all YOUR life.

I’d love to pause and revel in another week well (unwell?) lived and how little or much little-things can mean.

xo

I don’t know if this is a reassuring thing to read now and again… but here is a change of pace.

Normally, I try to keep myself focused on why I started sharing to begin with- whether as an oblivious teenage journalist or my everyday-of-the-week columns as a freelance writer. But…

Maybe sharing an average week in what we (now proudly) call a circus life is helpful in some way?

Perhaps it’s reassuring to know that other lives can be chaos?

Or exhausting beyond belief? Or ill time and unkempt? Or why someone might not have replied to your text yet but likely is working towards doing so as fast as they can? Why a human heart might be the same but their body just can’t keep up?

I’ve been a circus ballerina twice, so… I consider it a compliment to call our life that, to be honest. But if you end up appreciating a change of tone and format now and again, and seeing an occasional set up of a week - some with accomplishments like this past one, and some with “pooped blood” and “too sick to eat” as the only parts of the list… let me know?

This Week:

Two neurosurgery appointments in one week.

One 504 meeting for my mild-to-severe HOH (Deaf) kid at her high school.

One Zoom meeting to talk with ballet company director. Later, an hour and half ballet barre with her company (which terrified my hamstrings nearly as much as rusty me).

One full Musical Theatre choreography day with the most amazing students, doing one of my top top top top tier shows.

One CT scan of my lumbar spine and one CT scan of my left (previously operated) knee. (Honest? Some bloody innard days too, in a literal sense).

Multiple teaching work forms and applications filled out, per requesto; My laptop being my nemesis in terms of pain. We talked about pain at my neuro appointment and have an increase in some treatments while I wait for a surgery, and then some fallback devices and theoreticals if quality of life keeps being this low.)

Seeing my daughter’s cheer dance team at the first game she’d allow me to go to (lol); Sitting through a full basketball game both challenging and electric. I got to spend extra time with her this week in general, and the gratitude by me is hopefully felt through this screen.

Completed columns and pieces about Substack going on a brief holiday hiatus, while worrying readers will give up on me for doing so. (It’s a thought)

Briefly using my favorite Deaf communique appt to Glide my couple best friends whilst commuting because… multitasking IS a rare achievement that’s sometimes (always?) worth celebrating.

After way too long, finally caught up on emails, DMs, texts, comments, and some doctor calls- though failed in many ways too.

Stressed medications I’m running out of right before the holiday but honestly have very few options because I chose more critical appointments first, which leaves other ones hanging and no ability to be two places at once. There’s always a catch.

Fixed my choreography notes for students and filmed a few videos of me doing sequences so they can review over holiday break. Beginning a detailed list of how I’m sketching out the show in terms of dance; it’s like a John Nash notebook for 20+ something pieces and I mean that in an aspirational, mindful beauty sort of way.

Researched grants to help with heat in an old house, as we don’t have the funds to pay for the petroleum person to come check it out, so I’m resenting the cold and scared for months to come. In research mode for sure.

Failed to take a solid shower.

This is my unedited, honest Week Number One.

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Up Next:

pre op approval from CF clinic

pre op approval from cardio doctor

pre op approval from pcp (but mine was out of town so had scramble to new one)

pre op approval from GI

the actual pre op from surgeon

magical holi-days trying to keep precious childhoods alive

all of the magical but legit work that comes with the above sentence

failing at replying to a single DM or friend

constantly being in a car, in an appointment, focused on my kiddo, or asleep because feeling yucky (and I never sleep so this is new for me)

being neurotic

more time in the car (but trying to be present with fam and off phone so like… not “productive time” in the eyes of today’s society, you know?)

planning ahead for work so I can have the presumed op

more time in the car

eating a lot

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I cried a lot this week.

I’m going to try another stab at listing out some things I did this (last) week, without passing judgement on myself.

This Week:

I cried this week not being able to stand how hard it is to stand for waiting for an operation, because you need it to happen to not blow Jo your working life.

I cried knowing that children grow up.

I cried knowing that surgeons [not all, of course] respect you more if they fixing you FOR a purpose (like my job) but also hate you more if you have scheduling needs or pleas or your job doesn’t pay enough to make you an asset.

I scheduled 4 different medical clearance appointments the day before Christmas Eve (for those who celebrate, or at least know that a lot of the western world shuts down that week- getting anything scheduled is nothing short of a miracle). Due to a last minute but highly anticipated surgery coming up, I needed a whopping total of the following appointments for General Anesthesia clearance:

GI appointment, Cardiovascular appointment and ICD device check in, CF clinic (pulmonary) clearance and PCP in-person appointment clearance.

Unfortunately, PCP couldn’t see me - so the week was the most manicpanic trying to find a way to get authorization even though my triad of specialists already had. Medicine is backwards sometimes.

I also had to attend an in person Pre Op with the surgeon himself, so that I could get the final final final sign off, despite what a mad dash it all has been, and of course the pre op at the hospital itself for labs, MRSA and urine checks.

I was supposed to get a Lupron shot to put me into chemical menopause but I didn’t. Hard stop until I get through right now.

Motherhood.

Honestly, I’d recommend sometimes listing pig what you did in a week because it’s weirdly uplifting to recognize how much we can really contribute …

Even when we feel like we somehow (always) aren’t doing enough.

This is my unedited, honest Week Number Two…

And maybe, I’ll keep posting more like these?

Recounting and accounting for real life messiness and manic-ness and magic…

And seeing how it might relate to yours?

I hope this relates somehow to yours.

If you have a prompt or a question or a truth you’d like me to tackle to add some texture here, pretty please drop below?

I read EVERY comment or word anyone is ever kind enough to share (both at @catchingbreaths, and DM, and email, etc)- but know that I am terrible at replying to Sub-friends a lot of the time and for that I’ll genuinely always be sorry.. Always guilty.

I never miss a word you drop and swear I don’t take them for granted- but sometimes I use them to fuel the Writing [almost) Everyday Promise here as best I can, despite the pain- even whilst failing at having the ‘pain tromp ability’ to write as often as I’d like to those I love.

But… a reply in a piece here is like a very long text response, perhaps?

Thank you for staying here… for catching your breath for a moment through the somewhat-dying-art of writing (and reading anything longer than a 2 sentence caption)… And for caring about the freelance weirdos of the world who sometimes need to survive, but who’s bodies sadly can’t yet fit into the 9 to 5.

xo

PS: Kindly consider booming a supportive Word Nerd if you’re able (every little bit counts and helps keep this ongoing memoir going, or… Share with you someone you like?