“What If I Collect the Results of Myself Using a Daily Cold Cream?"

... the greatest Granny invention ever known?

Hi! Welcome to a new week Word Nerds and new friends.

SURPRISE! I am probably home from the hospital now and newly recovering from another surgery (ovaries this time).

I promise to update soon - thank you for caring if you care (I am not so self important to assume otherwise)- BUT this week I am doing something different!

First, I am only posting three days this week, purely to give myself a little extra time to recover before going to ham on the keyboard.

Second, I am going to announce my big “surprise” on Friday (posting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week- and then going back to my Every Weekday Writing promise here).

I’ve been teasing this for a while, so thank you for your patience!

It’s not even that big of a thing to hype up but it IS a risk, and it is an adventure to wake us all up if you’re needing something new at this point in your season.

For now, please see today’s super chill post…

And I’ll catch you Friday for the surprise?

I wrote a LOT ahead of time to try to make this worth your while, worth your support, worth your time….So thank you, thank you, thank you!

Even if I’m in the hospital as you read this- I wanted to keep to my Every Weekday Writing promise here, so prepped this shiz ahead of time.

I have a big surprise planned here on Substack for my recovery time thereafter (which I’ll be sharing in a video next week!), and I hope it's a positive?

So that HUGE change in writing direction (just for a couple of weeks) will start next week and… I’m so so so so so nervous.

Anyways, after which, I’ll update on recovery and life and what’s happening now with all the surly synonyms you likely didn’t need.

See you soon. Thank you. And also…

THANK YOU!

This surgery (surgeries?), I’ve become obsessed with a much more diligent data collection in terms of my complexion cocktail at hand.

(In hand)

I wanted to know, quite simply, what would happen if I implemented two habits that I already love, with much more consistency and frequency? (Something I felt I could only do during a “hospital-holiday”, because what if I had a weird reaction or something? Or no time for continuity, like usual?)

I vowed to layer a thick cream on my face “before bed” like a mask and let it absorb.

I was already using granny-trusted brands I can most afford- my top 3 cold creams in rotation being Ponds (the classic), Noxzema, and (newly) Jergen’s old school face cream (the pink colored one).

I tried Nivea - which I know many love and I definitely should give another chance again in the future- but was shocked by how much the Jergen’s noticeably plumped my fine lines overnight unlike any product before it.

Therefor, I thought: “What if I collect the results of myself using a daily cold cream face mask, and letting it absorb on it’s own… To see if it really helps with time?”

I decided to use the Jergen’s purely because I was (and am) currently out of Ponds (quelle tragique), but I assume any thick cold cream would work in this experiment.

The second undertaking felt bold and exhaustive for someone as generally lazy as I can be (I’m the hardest working most obsessive lazy person you likely know): I wanted to know what would happen if I took my favorite “zombie mask” that I use only once per week for years… and apply it every day for 2 weeks!

Considering I have been loyal to my “zombie mask” for so long, but only use it once a week… I didn’t assume that more would equal “better”, but I wanted to try anyways.

The tightening effect of the zombie mask and the plumping effect of the cold cream mask could either completely counteract one another… or be the greatest Granny invention ever known.

I decided to apply the tightening treatment to just one spot (my forehead, which is the most expressive) most of the time for ease and comfort at applying it every-damn-day… and although any “tightening until you look horrifically Billy Butcherson” type of ointment would work, I stuck with what I had at the time: the Proot Desert Oasis mask.

It's common key creepy-crepe ingredient is akin to using an egg, which a nurse once told me was her family’s cultural key to glowy skin at any stage of life.

Hanacure has a fancy mask that many recommend but I’ve never tried ($), and Skin 1004 Zombie Pack is my favorite of all favorites (the smell reminds me of Mucomyst, which is a nebulizer treatment used in Cystic Fibrosis that calls to mind suffer and rotten eggs). The Zombie Pack requires some mixing (work), though it’s scent makes it the most old-school-egg adjacent, but the Proot one requires no mixing… and was what I happened to have “in stock” at home. (I’m almost out, so need to order whichever of either is on sale at the moment.)

I had no idea if using either mask for 10 minutes everyday would be like a tiny tightening ‘Tox ‘ternative (I am the Theodor Geisel of skins?), but I actually stuck to it for 14 days!

Considering one tube of Proot is $16 or so on Amazon, and I didn’t even use it all up (I did my forehead only 6 days per week and full face one day per week)… I think it might be brilliant science? I am Elizabeth Zott.

I would honestly say that doing the mask was worth the try, but if you had to pick something to stick with: Just use it once a week all over your face, or twice at the max. The mask is 100% worth your time, but doing it 100% of the time doesn’t make a stronger difference than once or twice per week.

As for the “cold cream” concept, however, I do firmly believe that using it as much as possible all over your face and letting your skin drink it up itself (it happens fast than you’d think), is worth doing as much as possible.

The grandmothers and Maisels who believe in “going to sleep” with a cold cream mask have it right, and the part they don’t tell you is that after about 10-minutes if letting it self-absorb… just rub in the rest and call it a day.

I am going to continue doing the cream masks as much as I can, and keep up the goals of forehead tightening masks here and there (once a week for certain), with more essences between steps as often as possible.

I already loved both habits, and doing something “more” seems like it would provide “more” results, but in the end..

I think that doing something consistently matters most of all, even if it’s not everyday in anyway.

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