“You’re Both in a Storm" (I Am Your Mother)

No rose colored glasses. No freshly baked sourdough. Just reality… and love… and lots of run-on sentences

My Substack was made because I got sick of a world that hates writing. I got sick of 5 second videos or less. I got sick of spaces that once fostered creativity kowtowing only to trend. But I also got worried about the legacy I’m leaving my daughters, as well.

I have written them ‘Dear Daughters’ letters for years- and those still exist and will be archived here- But if you want to pull back the cringing-curtain with me and reflect on REAL parenthood and the messy side of an unschooling, uncomfortable, unbelievably-gorgeous life with teenagers, then welcome to: “I Am Your Mother”.

It is the very ridiculous but very scary-honest exercise of sharing real texts I’ve sent my kids without editing a damn thing to make myself look better (except names for privacy) …. Because sometimes a taste of our own medicine is better.

Maybe you need a tough sentence from a “mom”? Maybe you need to apply the half-baked wisdom to yourself? Maybe you need a good laugh? Or maybe you need to feel less alone, in general.

Sometimes, we need to see that other parents are in the trenches as much as we are. No rose colored glasses. No freshly baked sourdough. Just reality… and love… and lots of run-on sentences to teenagers who really need to hear it too.

THE TEXTS YOU NEED TO SEE RIGHT NOW

Read This if you need the best advice of the whole damn piece. (But also this, if you want a thesis on Andrew Scott):

“Season two of Fleabag is VERY mature but one of the most delicious devilish love stories and a stand alone (like season one of The OA) and he plays the sexy priest I talk about a lot. I’d love to watch it together sometime”

Read This if you need a reminder that even though you have a hard job… Being alive is a hard job. We all have hard jobs. So stop making other people’s jobs harder by acting like the only person with a hard job:

“I’m proud of you and you’re going to kill it at this, just like all things you set your eyes on.

Sometimes I’m trying to repeat a simple parenting point that is part of …. Well, parenting, and part of something already established between us as a rule or an understanding [before taking on a project]…. And it spirals into this “you’re rejecting me” thing.

I’m NOT saying I’m not proud of you, and I’m not saying I won’t support tired days here and there as you’re adjusting to a huge change.

What I do have to say as a parent though is that perspective is still critical.

Perspective, but mostly: We can’t be on eggshells on your days off, or evenings. People talk about how it’s hard to go the gym before work as an adult, or to dance in [our dance company] after work as an adult: because it’s hard to have the world expect so much. But they’ve all been doing those hours around you your whole life… so we have to tread lightly and with awareness.

College, jobs: they’re going to be hard, but all the people you know and love can’t just stop working out, or learning, or everything because of work a few days a week.

Once you’ve adjusted: we will have to keep that in mind… and find a balance for you.